From Glamour to Grease: Miami Reimagined

Picture the Fontainebleau, this legendary temple of mid-century elegance… and then BAM, right outside:

McDonald’s Themed Waterslide Complex

1. The Big Mac Drop

A towering near-vertical slide shaped like a stacked Big Mac, where you shoot out the “sesame seed bun” and plunge into a pool called The Special Sauce Lagoon.

2. The Fry Chute

A wide multi-lane racer slide, but every lane is a giant French fry, and guests compete while screaming like they just saw their cholesterol results.

3. The McFlurry Funnel

A giant spinning bowl slide where you swirl endlessly like you’re trapped inside an Oreo McFlurry, until you get launched into a shallow splash pool called The Brain Freeze Basin.

4. The Nugget Rapids

A lazy river, except it’s shaped like a chicken nugget, and the tubes are sauce packets.

Signs along the way say things like:

• “BBQ Falls Ahead”

• “Sweet & Sour Whirlpool”

• “Spicy Buffalo Danger Zone”

5. The Drive-Thru Tube

A dark enclosed tube slide where you pass neon-lit windows showing:

• a cashier silhouette

• a glowing menu board

• a giant animatronic Ronald staring into your soul

6. The Grimace Geyser

A purple splash zone with geysers erupting randomly, themed like Grimace is having an emotional breakdown.

7. The Ice Cream Machine Slide

It looks amazing, it’s advertised everywhere…

but it’s permanently closed. 🚫

⸻

And the best part? It would completely ruin the Fontainebleau’s iconic elegance in the most beautifully mindless way imaginable. Even the urinals are themed: ketchup red and mustard yellow.